Progression is a wonderful thing to measure success by.
A lack of self belief
Having confidence in your own abilities is an important tool towards success and being able to reach your goals. A lot of people do not take risks in the idea that they may not be capable or that the risk will pay off. This heightened (and unrealistic) expectation of instant success will deter you from your goals.
Having self-belief starts with taking on small challenges and increasing the load gradually so that you are able to feel like you can take on the world is important.
David Goggins mentions how he constantly ‘callouses over his mind’ so that he can move his limits further along each time he accomplishes something, or as he says it to go past the safety’ in our minds. For the rest of us, small steps into challenges can help towards big goals.
Fear of failure
Fear in of itself is not a bad thing. It is something that helps us analyse the stimulus in our environment to either tackle the issue or flee (fight or flight) and can be useful during dangerous situations.
The issue with FoF can be when it stops us from getting that higher salary job or side hustle or preventing you from doing something through the potential embarrassment and loss of self worth through being seen as a ‘failure’. Steve Jobs had the idea of ‘embrace every failure’ when it came to progression and it becomes a habit to fail in order to succeed.
Fear of failure can become a weakness instead of a strength through lack of accountability. Something like this may hinder us from future success, since we learn from our errors to grow as individuals, naturally. Reflect, evaluate, and improve on our mistakes then next time, come out stronger.
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Everyone needs companionship. It is the inherent nature of humans to be desired and wanted, avoiding alienation and out casting from the world.
One of the most significant paths in life is marriage. Some individuals view marriage as a sole commitment to partnership, a way of signalling that you are serious. Others may see it as a more formal procedure that humans have done for centuries, which is becoming outdated.
The question to answer before getting into the appropriate age for marriage is, ‘would marriage even be relevant to society nowadays?’
One way to look is at the divorce rates, which were 6.7 per 1000 for men and 6.6 per 1000 for women for 2022. This is more than 50% less than even the rates during the 2000s, which were 14 per 1000 at their peak. This might have been due to recession or some form of economic issue, but divorces are multifaceted and usually women get their divorces completed, as referenced in the report.
Another way to think about it is the contextual landscape for sponsoring marriage. In a South Asian household (and by extension, any Asian culture where maternal figureheads are central in the family), marriage is seen as a rite of passage, something that everyone MUST do, as opposed to find at the right time. For impoverished communities, it meant that the bloodline could be sustained or there would be a chance for a family to survive. For more wealthier communities, it meant securing power and status.
This could be in contrast to the Western views of marriage, and by extension what it means to be married. Families are not so intertwined and interlocked, controlled by a matriarch, but more so freedoms and ‘love’ guide what marriage is, not convenience or status. There is no emphasis to rush into having children at a young age [generally] and marriage is usually considered later in someone’s life, not early to mid twenties.
Back to the question: marry young or marry mature?
Marrying young has its advantages. An advantage for a religious person is commitment and the ability to be intimate without crossing illegal boundaries. It is a way to obey God without transgressing limits. On the contrary, a non-religious person may see it simply as a contract of commitment and honour, a way to show ‘progress’ for a relationship. Someone who is finding themselves also fuses their ideas and personality with their married partner, hopefully learning important behaviours like compromise, empathy, and responsibility. This can lead to both individuals enjoying each other’s company, as they go through life’s troubles together and learn/develop with each other.
There are some disadvantages. In many traditional cultures, especially Asian, being married is a mark of responsibility. A man is seen as a provider and maintainer in the relationship, looking after the woman and they both have to handle work and potentially kids down the line. Traditional values are important here, but in the economy of the world, it might seem likely that one man cannot support his family with his sole income anymore (I mean, everything and everyone is being charged for anything and everything these days!). Additionally, there is the idea of being tied down to that one person during your years, and not being able to go to see other people. Whilst this might not be the case for the partners who ‘found the one’, people generally change in their teens and twenties of who and what they want.
Contrast this to marrying later on in life: you are more wealthy and established, as well as understanding yourself better and matured. You have the capacity to enjoy life with someone else, now you have had relevant life experience.
Marrying later on in life works if your responsibilities are currently a priority to you. It can also be helpful if you want to be in a better financial spot or emotional spot, and you’re on the way to self improvement as an individual, before letting someone in – taking care of yourself first before others.
Considering both options is crucial in life. Having a partner early in life provides much needed companionship and intimacy, something humans crave. Money is not everything, it is a means to doing what you need/want. Again, marrying later on provides time to explore and discover yourself, before settling and deciding on someone to be with for the rest of your life. Whatever is considered, marriage plays a huge role in settling down and commitment, but do not rush…
…you have all the time in the world, whether you are 20, 30, 40.
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Blogging seems quite peculiar in the nature of it – talking about yourself enough to relate to your audience, yet documenting relevant, curated experiences. I have never been one to talk about myself, but since I have been in my 20s, I have been journaling and capturing moments so far. This has helped me in reflection, and this is a continuation of that.
I thought of the name ‘South Asian Chameleon/Asian Chameleon’ thinking of who I was: a mix of being British, in a Pakistani household, tied together with my Muslim belief and identity. All three blends have shaped the person I am today. Hopefully, this becomes a space to showcase Asian culture as well as my own personality and interests, such as self-improvement and being a guide for others in their 20s. It would mature over time with the richness of each year’s experiences and still serve the original purpose.
Being born in West Sussex, I’ve grown up fortunate in a home with different dynamics and experiences related to my family, friends, and other interactions. As a child, it felt like time was unlimited. Now, it feels like we’re all making our moves in our 20s: dreams, fears, hopes, and the idea that we will make it ‘successfully’ in our own way. Whatever it is, we’re all a mixture of different cultures blending together and I am no different – being both British and Pakistani.
In the age of social media, influencing and vlogging has become something lucrative as well as a way of interacting with a core audience and building a career. For me, I want to try new things in my 20s and document the experiences I have as well as thoughts and feelings here.
Seeing other influencers thriving and showing off their different cultures, languages, and personalities makes me pleased. It is good to see more emphasis on people’s own backgrounds fused into their brand and representation being common, so love shown to those who do that.
Thought to share some inspirational influencers on Insta:
Dose of Travel (@doseoftravel) – culture and travel influencer Breaking cultural barriers in her own way.
Zack Chug (@zack.chug) – food and health influencer Makes banging food & his content is even better.
Henna Sharee (@hennasharee) – food, health, and travel influencer Amazing food and travels to different countries to expose their culture to the world
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South Asian Chameleon 